Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Finding humor in your resilience.

True story.

My alarm clock goes off, for the first time, at 530 in the morning. A second goes off again at 540 (and a third at 6) in the morning, in the event I have snoozed through those 10 minutes. This morning I decided 2 we tack the hook on my favorite pair of black pants at 5:55 in the morning after my shower. The entire time I am humming gratitudes. First time being thankful that with my naked eye, I can see how to thread a needle. I recall my mother, who is a master seamstress, how she has to use her glasses now at the age of 59 to see the eye of the needle. Also the thought that she sometimes use this gadget to thread the needle for her came to mind. In that moment as I begin to place the hook and I realize that I am grateful to have been exposed to the strategies and skills that my mother hands taught me. I am also grateful for taking home economic classes in middle and high school. I continue to thread this item onto my pants. I do the top holes. I go to finish the top 2 holes I realize that I did not knot the threads together to keep them from unraveling. (Stay with me on this). I make a few attempts to try to tie the small pieces of thread with my bare fingers and am not able to do so. I decide to move on to the bottom 2 holes. I thread those to completion, and then I remember from my last experience that I am to tie a knot with the threads while the needle is still attached to the thread, not after I cut it like I did before. Done! I am proud of myself. I decide that I will come back later and finish the knot on the top 2 holes. I go to fasten my pants and I realize that I have attached the hook for my pants backwards. It is now 615 in the morning. At this moment, I burst out into laughter and go and wake my husband up to tell him what I have done. Of course, he looks at me it says "okay Shauna" and rolls back over. I tell myself "it's okay, he will laugh when he wakes up". I want back into a bathroom, look in the mirror, shook me head in laughter, cut the threads holding the hook to my pants and started over.

I learned so many lessons in that first 30 minutes of my day . I learned that we must act on our desires while the desire is at its height! Catch the wave and learn your cycles. I learned that there will be times were I will laugh at myself and others may not appreciate the humor in the situation . I learned that my pants fit differently now, because I have allowed myself to wear these pants for almost 2 years in dysfunction. Now that there has been a change, I wonder did I gain weight? Did I do something wrong? They were more comfortable when they were incomplete. I learned that I could have given up and various stages. I was reminded that this is a very simple task that I have known how to do since I was a small child. Each time I missed that tiny little hole to thread the hook or each time that needle pricked my finger, and even went through my skin a couple of times, I could have given up. I definitely could have given up over the disappointment of me missing knotting two threads or me realizing that I applied it backwards.

At the final moment, when I was a fastening my pants, when I completed the second time, I realize that I had missed a third hole that needed to be threaded to the pants that would hold the hook into place. That feeling of giving up, accepting the work that I had already put into this simple task, justifying the work that I had already done and leaving it without completing it, had begun to take over me. But the inner me said FINISH IT!

Today, I pray that the inner you is louder than the weary you, doubting you, limited feeling you. Today may you finish it!